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Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

The tarot lady on my TikTok said that you miss me.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Some of you have overdosed so hard on the propaganda, there’s nothing reality Narcan can do for you.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Desperately searching the dating app settings for an option to turn down the difficulty level.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Violence is not the answer, unless you’re a gaggle of children instructed to break into a piñata.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Live now on Telegram:

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

Just shared via Snapchat:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Just landed via X:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Just shared via Facebook:

Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about workplace hydration and bathroom breaks with a playful vibe.

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Commentary:
"Staying hydrated: the key to mastering the art of strategic escape routes from endless Zoom calls! 🚰😅🚻"

bathroom, bathroom break, break, breaks, health, humor, hydrated, hydration, important, office, productivity, stay, take, water, work

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22 shares on X this month:

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

68 shares on X this month:

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

12 shares on Discord this month:

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

47 shares on X this month:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

The real anti-aging regimen is retaining your childlike wonder and whimsy.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

What does international law say about a third Margarita?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

A real smartphone would cut you off.

Just landed via Messenger:

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

Freshly posted on X:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Spreading quickly via X:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

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Activity Log ✨

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

People will say “sounds good” at work when things don’t sound good at all.

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

People will say “sounds good” at work when things don’t sound good at all.

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨