Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I only like when it rains when I’m home.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,407

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Seen just now on Threads:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Going viral on Threads:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Spotted on Facebook:

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

Making waves on Twitch:

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

Just shared via Threads:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

4 weeks ago

Witty remark comparing social media users to Jesus among marginalized groups, humorous and playful.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, if we're on Twitter like Jesus, does that mean we're spreading the digital version of salvation in 280 characters or less? 🙏📱 Just think of retweets as miracles and hashtags as blessings! 😄 #TwitterJesus #DigitalDiscipleship

among, being, comparison, humor, i’ll, irony, Jesus, media, mentally, mentally ill, poor, prostitute, social, social media, spent, time, Twitter, unemployed

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Discord this month:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

They’re uploading my consciousness into a disposable vape.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Life is like a game of chess. I don’t enjoy it very much.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

64 shares on X this month:

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Cancel culture has been canceled.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,441

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Spotted on Twitch:

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

Trending via X:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

Just landed via Slack:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

Trending via Discord:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Spotted on Snapchat:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Breaking via Twitch:

I miss you (the money I spent).

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