Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

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What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

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Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

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Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

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The audacity of my parents’ oldies station now playing 80s music.

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Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

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Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

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Dude, we’re gonna be treating others how we want to be treated later if you wanna pull up.