My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

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Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

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I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

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I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

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Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

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In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

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Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

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You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.