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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Farting, but with eye contact.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,386

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

Shared recently on Threads:

Imagine being social on social media.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Spotted on Reddit:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Salt is just angry sugar.

Live now on Snapchat:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

Just shared via Facebook:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

Just landed via TikTok:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

6 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about relationships highlighting how ignorance fuels crushes, playful and humorous tone.

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Commentary:
"When I found out a crush is just a lack of information, I realized my whole life was basically a WiFi dead zone. 📶❌😅"

change, crush, found, humor, i, information, just, lack, lack of information, life, life change, once, perspective, realization, relationships

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67 shares on Instagram this month:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

You look like the result of a failed CIA experiment.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

85 shares on Discord this month:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

80 shares on Threads this month:

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Trending via Snapchat:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Going bananas on TikTok:

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Trending via Threads:

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Just shared via WeChat:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Making waves on Discord:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

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Activity Log ✨

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

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My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

“Are we still going?” … An introvert’s attempt to cancel.

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

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