Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,267

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

Going bananas on Threads:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Going viral on X:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Making waves on Reddit:

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Just landed via Telegram:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

Trending via Threads:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the mosquitoes pack their bags for Hades, it's a true autumnal blessing! 🦟👹🍂

autumn, back, fall, favorite, hell, humor, insect, joke, mosquito, pest, season

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

0

2 months ago

cabinet, humor, i, kitchen, morning, noise, pan, quiet
If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

0

2 months ago

birthday, daughter, gift, hiding, humor, i, months, parenting, surprise, where
Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

0

2 months ago

born, chance, forced, humor, i, irony, mysterious, personality, quiet, self-deprecating, talkative, whenever
Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

0

2 months ago

always, aspiration, childhood, ever, goal, humor, i, life, life goal, little, retire, wanted
Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

0

2 months ago

apartment, confusion, costs, doing, every, expense, getting, humor, living, living costs, performance, performance review, raise, rent, review, sense, year
You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

0

2 months ago

age, day, doing, doing nothing, humor, laziness, nap, need, nothing, old, tiredness

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

19 shares on Slack this month:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

“I didn’t vote for this.” — people who absolutely voted for this but thought this would only hurt people they hate.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Shared recently on Discord:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Making waves on Telegram:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Live now on Discord:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Trending via WeChat:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Spotted on WeChat:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Shared recently on Threads:

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨