Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Shout out to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.