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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,285

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Spotted on Twitch:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Live now on Telegram:

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

Seen just now on Threads:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

Going viral on Slack:

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Type of hangover that makes you understand why normies spend $25 for a poor soul to bike a bagel to them.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

Spotted on YouTube:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
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Commentary:
"Who needs love handles when you've got snacks to hold on to? 🍔🍟 Looks like this is a case of sacrificing intimacy for instant noodles. 🍜🤷‍♂️ Embracing the foodie life, one bite at a time… even if it means struggling with zippers. 👖😂 #FoodieProblems"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Slack this month:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

87 shares on X this month:

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

73 shares on Discord this month:

Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

96 shares on Messenger this month:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

The fact Head and Shoulders doesn’t have a body wash called Knees and Toes, is disappointing.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

I drive like I’m immortal.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone at work is gonna suggest you download Outlook and Teams on your phone, and it’s very important that you don’t listen to them.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,501

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I was dropped as an adult.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Starting to think business is standing on me.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Shared recently on Discord:

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

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