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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Not to brag, but I just walked upstairs and remembered why.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

Going viral on Slack:

People who don’t like pickles are so important because they give me their pickles.

Spotted on YouTube:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Going viral on Twitch:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Breaking via Telegram:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Just shared via Reddit:

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Going viral on Messenger:

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Live now on Facebook:

If Microsoft Edge is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you can be brave enough to ask that girl out.

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
I guess my spice rack now outranks my social calendar 😂🍳 #AdultingAdventures

age, aging, air, air fryer, cooking, fryer, humor, kitchen, life, life stages, minute, next, stages, wild, young, youth

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34 shares on X this month:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

87 shares on Discord this month:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

53 shares on Threads this month:

Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

61 shares on Discord this month:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Live now on Snapchat:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

Shared recently on Threads:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

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Activity Log ✨

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨