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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Oh good. Another day.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,695

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

Going viral on Telegram:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Trending via Pinterest:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Labubu?! Sounds like a name picked mid-sneeze!

Going viral on Twitch:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Breaking via Pinterest:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the modern struggle of balancing lattes and liberation while rocking designer kicks. Living the dream and questioning it too! 📱💸☕

8, America, being, capitalism, coffee, consumerism, contradiction, failed, irony, kid, media, only, oppression, phone, post, shoe, social, social media, wealth, wear

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

0

2 months ago

bullshit, frustration, getting, honesty, humor, own, real, reality, self, tired
Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

0

2 months ago

flirtation, food, humor, i, invitation, joke, midnight, midnight snack, night, over, snack
Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

0

2 months ago

actually, am, ass, awkwardness, bed, bed frame, embarrassment, frame, i, me, neighbors, popularity, shoutout, sound, squeaky
If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

0

2 months ago

broke, humor, kids, parenting, used
I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

0

2 months ago

ask, buddy, day, five, frustration, hate, humor, i, know, laziness, listen, me, noon, okay, people, procrastination, time, today, waking, waking up, woke
If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

0

4 months ago

aging, beard, beard grooming, facial, facial hair, gray, gray beard, gray hair, grooming, hair, hit, humor, joke, self-care

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Instagram this month:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

24 shares on X this month:

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

36 shares on Slack this month:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

18 shares on TikTok this month:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

45 shares on Slack this month:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

24 shares on X this month:

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

90 shares on WeChat this month:

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Breaking via TikTok:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

Making waves on WeChat:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Going viral on WhatsApp:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Spotted on YouTube:

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

Going viral on Pinterest:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨