My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables. Posted onMay 25, 2026
The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight. Posted onMay 25, 2026
“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse. Posted onMay 25, 2026
You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses. Posted onMay 25, 2026
My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch. Posted onMay 25, 2026May 25, 2026
I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man. Posted onMay 25, 2026
One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married. Posted onMay 25, 2026
His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti. Posted onMay 25, 2026
When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day. Posted onMay 25, 2026
They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties. Posted onMay 25, 2026
The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society. Posted onMay 25, 2026