Commentary:
Looks like the whole family is ready to take over the neighborhood in style! Just missing a bowl of borscht and some blaring techno music 🎶🔊👟💼
I still can’t believe school used to start at 7 a.m. and I actually showed up.
Commentary:
Who knew my teenage superpower was waking up before sunrise just for math class? 😴☕📚
Knowing that cats have excellent night vision, and then realizing that if they step on your face in the middle of the night, it’s a decision.
Commentary:
Cats are just nocturnal ninjas with questionable judgment 😂🐾🌙
The fact that nobody names their kids Achilles, Menelaus, Agamemnon, or Odysseus these days, but here are tons of Hectors around, says a lot.
Commentary:
Guess all those brave parents took an arrow to the naming knee! 🏹😂
Sometimes, when I get emotionally attached to a show, I don’t watch the last episode so it doesn’t end for me.
Commentary:
Refusing to say goodbye like a pro, keeping those fictional friends around indefinitely 📺😭🍿
Love putting “the” in front of band names that don’t need it.
Commentary:
This is how I confidently tell my friends about *The Coldplay* and *The Imagine Dragons* 🎸🎤😂
I’ve started answering my phone when a number I don’t know rings, and damn, some of that shit’s important.
Commentary:
Who knew mystery calls could be my new life coach? 📞🤔😆
I’m hosting a charity event for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
Commentary:
Count me in, I’ll come… or at least I’ll try! 😂🎉
Telling your parents about your problems is just creating another problem for yourself.
Commentary:
Sounds like the ultimate hack: turning your life into a sitcom! 📺😅
Why is Dick van Dyke an acceptable name, but Pussy van Faggot isn’t?
Commentary:
Dick van Dyke rolled a pun while Pussy van Faggot was benched for foul play ⚽😹