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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,294

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Breaking via Instagram:

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Just shared via Facebook:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

Trending via Threads:

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

Going viral on Threads:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Just landed via Reddit:

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Forever the magic-believing weirdo and proud of it! ✨🧙‍♂️🤪

always, belief, fantasy, humor, individuality, magic, quirky, weirdo

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad girl, confidence, everything, girl, humor, i, joke, relationship, self-deprecation, well, wit
Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

0

2 months ago

asking, extraterrestrial, humor, i, joke, joke about transportation, me, once, rides, sci-fi, space, transportation, UFO
Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad decision, brain, choice, decision, humor, insomnia, let, life, life choice, me, overthinking, self-reflection, sleep, stay, together
They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

0

2 months ago

craving, dinner, food, good, humor, invent, invention, meal, should, sounds, tonight
Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

0

2 months ago

car, commute, conversation, hilarious, humor, just, me, morning, myself, self, talking
If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

0

2 months ago

aniston, celebrity, conspiracy, feed, humor, Jennifer, Jennifer Aniston, JFK, killed, media, news, reading, satire, social, social media, Twitter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Twitch this month:

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

37 shares on Discord this month:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

12 shares on Threads this month:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Ain’t nothing better than knowing you were right when everyone else thought you were crazy.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

Live now on WhatsApp:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The void screams into me.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨