Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Going bananas on Facebook:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Just landed via Telegram:

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

Just shared via Threads:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

Seen just now on X:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Shared recently on Instagram:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Making waves on X:

I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

Going viral on X:

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Forever the magic-believing weirdo and proud of it! ✨🧙‍♂️🤪

always, belief, fantasy, humor, individuality, magic, quirky, weirdo

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

0

2 months ago

admiration, attraction, beautiful, beautiful woman, car, compliment, fire, flattery, humor, i, inside, love, woman
Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult life, anxiety, everyday, everyday life, funny observation, grocery, grocery store, hiding, i, know, life, me, much, nothing, observation, people, prepared, social, social anxiety, spent, store
A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

0

2 months ago

bottom, cooking, culinary, dessert, food, food humor, hat, humor, pastry, pie, soup, where
If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

0

2 months ago

adventure, asked, curiosity, curiosity-driven, decision, exploration, fantasy, front, humor, ID, me, portal, questions
Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

0

2 months ago

back, back pain, funny injury, humor, injury, overwhelming, pain, self-deprecation, sensuality
Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

0

2 months ago

cost, expenses, funeral, humor, just, life, living, longer, mortality, people, seen, wonder

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Messenger this month:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

20 shares on Threads this month:

“I have an AI boyfriend.” No, you don’t. It’s Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, not Adam and USB.

58 shares on Discord this month:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

78 shares on Threads this month:

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

People on Facebook be like “can anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?”

Trending via Threads:

On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

Spotted on Slack:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Making waves on Facebook:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Trending via Pinterest:

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Breaking via Reddit:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Going viral on Twitch:

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

Seen just now on Instagram:

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

Going viral on Slack:

Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨