Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

The phrase “Treat yourself” has ruined my bank account and waistline.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I’d end my life from loneliness before I ever talk to ChatGPT like it’s my friend.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,621

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

Just shared via X:

I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

Just shared via Telegram:

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

Just shared via Reddit:

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Just shared via Facebook:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Going viral on WeChat:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Every girl keeps an extra boyfriend and calls him ‘best friend’.

Spotted on Reddit:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

…

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the original 'Skip Intro' that no one dared to fast-forward 😂🔍🎥 #VHSNostalgia"

beginning, cool, every, FBI, humor, nostalgia, pretty, remember, retro, security, security warning, tape, threat, threaten, VHS, warning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, distraction, enough, everyone, headphones, humor, i, need, noise, shut, shut up, silence
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

0

2 months ago

across, angry, around, came, dating, fun, humor, i, just, ly, profile, relationship, Tinder, wife
I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

0

2 months ago

apple, Apple Watch, fitness, humor, i, irony, laziness, motivation, stand, technology, want, watch
If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

0

2 months ago

chaos, clothes, exorcism, humor, idea, parenting, struggle, toddler, try
There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

0

2 months ago

bit, British, British slang, British voice, head, humor, inner, inner voice, past, sad, sadness, saying, slang, voice, weeks
Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

0

2 months ago

activity, avoidance, behavior, chore, cleaner, driveway, funny activity, humor, i, just, me, neighbors, outdoor, outdoor chore, outside, quirky, quirky behavior, run, social, social avoidance, talk, vacuum, vacuum cleaner

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Facebook this month:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

30 shares on Slack this month:

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

52 shares on Threads this month:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

63 shares on Threads this month:

I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

76 shares on X this month:

Lego bricks are classic educational toys. You step on them once and you can do ballet.

64 shares on Threads this month:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

86 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Wooden pews are designed to maximize the shame of farting in church.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

My hobbies include using the TV as background noise while I scroll on my phone.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

Making waves on Discord:

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨