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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Why touch grass when you can touch ass?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Jan 7, 2026

3,308

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

Just landed via Instagram:

You ever wake up from your dreams impressed? Like, damn, that narrative structure was phenomenal.

Live now on YouTube:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

Going bananas on Telegram:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

Breaking via TikTok:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Just landed via Threads:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Going viral on Twitch:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

2 months ago

0

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the exquisite art of productive idleness! 🤹‍♂️ Embracing the Zen master within while also mastering the skill of couch potato-ing. 🥔💤 Who knew that the most fulfilling hobby could be found in the magnificent abyss of nothingness? Time well spent doing… nothing! 🌟 #MasterOfInaction

asked, doing, favorite, hobby, humor, i, laziness, leisure, me, nothing, relaxation, self-reflection, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

0

2 months ago

aging, aunt, distance, dynamics, family, family dynamics, humor, making, older, rest, sense, start, uncle
The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

0

2 months ago

completion, done, fact, humor, i, irony, job, motivation, procrastinate, procrastination, productivity, reason, self-awareness, still, task, task completion, work
Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

0

2 months ago

challenge, drinking, dry, Dry January, even, humor, i, January, laugh, month, people, worse, worst, worst month, year
Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

0

2 months ago

argument, avoid, communication, enough, face, function, humor, husband, i, marriage, mouth, relationship, shut, subtitle
I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

0

2 months ago

comedy, Earth, existential, humor, i, me, need, planets, psychic, sad, tell
Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

0

6 months ago

2, accidental, accidentally, humor, nature, secret, secrets, squirrel, supernatural, tree, wisdom

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Instagram this month:

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

10 shares on Discord this month:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

23 shares on Slack this month:

Math is like Chinese to me.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

31 shares on Slack this month:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we skip to the rich part?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,361

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

My teenager has really expensive taste for someone who can’t afford to buy their own toothpaste.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Dear music, thanks!

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Just shared via Slack:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Spotted on Discord:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Live now on WhatsApp:

They said don’t try this at home, so I’m coming over to your place.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Trending via Slack:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

Seen just now on Discord:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

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