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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

People be like “I love your energy” – then drain it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

797 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,959

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,959

28 minutes ago

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Shared recently on Discord:

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

Just shared via Threads:

It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Just shared via X:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I can’t take people who pronounce “gnocchi” correctly seriously.

Just shared via Discord:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

5 months ago

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

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Commentary:
Ah, the exquisite art of productive idleness! 🤹‍♂️ Embracing the Zen master within while also mastering the skill of couch potato-ing. 🥔💤 Who knew that the most fulfilling hobby could be found in the magnificent abyss of nothingness? Time well spent doing… nothing! 🌟 #MasterOfInaction

asked, doing, favorite, hobby, humor, i, laziness, leisure, me, nothing, relaxation, self-reflection, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

797 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,959

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,959

28 minutes ago

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Spotted on Discord:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

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