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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

People should come with warning labels.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Jan 5, 2026

3,689

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Spreading quickly via X:

Stopping a complete stranger on the street and saying, “Let’s end this little charade.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Breaking via Slack:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

Breaking via Twitch:

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

2 months ago

0

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

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Commentary:
Oh, the eternal truth of feeling like a homebody disguised as a social butterfly! 🦋🏡 Embrace the joy of going out just so you can have that epic "ahh, I'm finally home" moment. Who needs wild adventures when you have the cozy comfort of your own kingdom, am I right? 👑🛋️

adventure, back, coming, enjoyment, going, going out, home, point, relaxation, returning, savor, sometimes, whole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

0

2 months ago

attack, heart, heart attack, humor, nature, peacock, person, reaction, surprise, tail, wildlife
If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

0

2 months ago

Airwrecka, call, daughter, Erica, ever, going, humor, i, name, spell, spelling
You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

0

2 months ago

check, fun, humor, most, most played, music, played, recognition, self-love, Spotify, Spotify Wrapped, wrapped, year
Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

0

2 months ago

career, carefree, casual, humor, motivation, never, playful, snack, snacks, sunshine
I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

0

6 months ago

1893, beloved, cooking, dramatic, duel, heartbreak, historical, i, just, lost, lost love, love, mine, never, soup, while, whispering
I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

0

2 months ago

awesome, effort, exhausted, humor, motivation, self-care, today, trying, yesterday

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on X this month:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We hate the same people and it’s so romantic.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

38 shares on X this month:

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

This entire year has been the Nightmare Before Christmas.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Changing your mind is an underrated activity.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,460

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Netflix will help you finish spelling the name of the movie you’re looking for, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Trending via TikTok:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

Live now on WhatsApp:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Trending via Slack:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Trending via Threads:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Spotted on WeChat:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

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