Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

Trending via Facebook:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Shared recently on Facebook:

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

Trending via Messenger:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Shared recently on Telegram:

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

Going viral on Discord:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

Trending via Reddit:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I've got as many options as a cat in a dog park! 🚂😹

Amtrak, customer, customer service, humor, joke, Monopoly, problem, service, thank, train, transportation, travel

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

0

2 months ago

bubble, expectations, frustration, gardening, house, house plant, humor, ID, just, lifespan, plant, soap, soap bubble
Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

0

4 weeks ago

cryptic, divine, dream, dreams, gut, gut instinct, instinct, intuition, source, symbolism
Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

0

2 months ago

funny observation, information, information overload, media, news, observation, overload, piece, piece together, posts, social, social media, today’s, today’s news, together, trying
Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

0

2 months ago

bird, flu, health, humor, illness, joke, sarcasm
I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

0

2 months ago

attitude, care, disappointed, disappointment, humor, i, impressed, independence, me, parental, parental relationship, parents, relationship, sarcasm
Telling her parents you creampie her daily is socially unacceptable. But telling them you’re trying for a baby is a cause for celebration.

0

18 hours ago

baby, cause, celebration, communication, creampie, daily, humor, norm, parents, social, social norm, socially, telling, trying, unacceptable

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on X this month:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

48 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

31 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

73 shares on Telegram this month:

Once this pandemic ends, I’m legit quitting video games and getting a girlfriend for real.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

People pleasers aren’t kind. They’re afraid.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Breaking via Threads:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Going viral on Reddit:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

Spotted on Discord:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Making waves on Messenger:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

Just landed via X:

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Just shared via Pinterest:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Going viral on TikTok:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Source? Divine intuition, gut instinct, and cryptic symbolism from my dreams.

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Telling her parents you creampie her daily is socially unacceptable. But telling them you’re trying for a baby is a cause for celebration.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨