Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I need a break from me.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,299

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Spotted on WeChat:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

Shared recently on Telegram:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

Spotted on Threads:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Live now on Slack:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Going viral on Threads:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I've got as many options as a cat in a dog park! 🚂😹

Amtrak, customer, customer service, humor, joke, Monopoly, problem, service, thank, train, transportation, travel

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

0

2 months ago

activity, beverages, caffeine, celebrate, celebration, drinking, fun, fun activity, golden, humor, hydrate, hydration, rule, socializing, three
Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

0

2 months ago

arrival, excuse, humor, i, late, sorry, timing, wanted
That’s just brainslop. You only came up with that by thinking.

0

5 days ago

brain, came, humor, just, only, thinking, wit
3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

0

4 months ago

1, 3, app, apps, concerning, drink, drinks, enough, friend, friends, health, information, mental, mental health, movie, movie theater, text, texting, theater
I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

0

2 months ago

baking, box, cake, food, handle, hold, humor, i, just, never, transport, trust
Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

0

2 months ago

common, geometry, humor, irony, line, mathematics, meet, parallel, parallel line, shame

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Telegram this month:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Body by sandwich.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

54 shares on TikTok this month:

I accidentally clicked on an ad, so I guess I will see that product all over my phone until I’m dead.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

In banana years, I am bread.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

41 shares on Messenger this month:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

Freshly posted on X:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

Making waves on Reddit:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Going bananas on Messenger:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Shared recently on Slack:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Seen just now on Threads:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

That’s just brainslop. You only came up with that by thinking.

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨