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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Life sucks a lot less when your feet are in a creek, and you forgot your phone in the truck.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,557

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Just landed via Threads:

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

Making waves on YouTube:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Going viral on Threads:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

Going viral on WeChat:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Spotted on YouTube:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Trending via Threads:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Going viral on Facebook:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

1 month ago

Witty quote about the female brain's humorous resemblance to the internet's lingering data.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the female brain – akin to the internet, where nothing truly disappears! 🤯🙈 It's like trying to erase that embarrassing photo from your phone, only for it to resurface at the most inconvenient moment! 📸💥 So remember, be careful what you input into the female brain – it has a mind of its own! 😉💭

brain, delete, female, female brain, gone, humor, internet, memory, never, never gone, psychology, something, works

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Reddit this month:

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

48 shares on X this month:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

78 shares on Messenger this month:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

37 shares on Slack this month:

How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,342

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

The sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

Seen just now on Threads:

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Going viral on WeChat:

They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

Seen just now on Reddit:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Freshly posted on X:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Going bananas on Reddit:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

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