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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has viewed:

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡© has viewed:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has downloaded:

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Π†f you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has copied:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡° has shared:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡­ has shared:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡» has bookmarked:

β€œI’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡³ has shared:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,473

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

Spotted on Messenger:

β€œOh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Going viral on TikTok:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Spotted on Messenger:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Making waves on Slack:

β€œDoing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Going viral on X:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.
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Commentary:
Oh, the female brain – akin to the internet, where nothing truly disappears! πŸ€―πŸ™ˆ It's like trying to erase that embarrassing photo from your phone, only for it to resurface at the most inconvenient moment! πŸ“ΈπŸ’₯ So remember, be careful what you input into the female brain – it has a mind of its own! πŸ˜‰πŸ’­

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on TikTok this month:

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

19 shares on TikTok this month:

If I ever say β€œwith all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

11 shares on X this month:

I don’t believe the phrase β€œif they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

89 shares on Discord this month:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

When someone has β€œDo Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,549

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has shared:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡² has viewed:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ό has copied:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has copied:

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡³ has copied:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡³ has viewed:

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has copied:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s comingβ€”either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡» has copied:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Breaking via X:

I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

Going viral on Reddit:

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Trending via Slack:

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

Just shared via Telegram:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Spotted on X:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Spotted on Reddit:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

Freshly posted on Threads:

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

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