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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

“It’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

It’s crazy that we’re closer to the year 3000 then I am to finding love.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,570

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

Going viral on X:

“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

Making waves on Threads:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Freshly posted on X:

Going viral on Instagram:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Spotted on Facebook:

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

Trending via Snapchat:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Adulting level 9000: Teaching mom how to use emojis without sending a spaceship to Mars! 🚀😂 #RoleReversal #ParentingTheParents"

adulthood, dynamic, family, family dynamic, humor, irony, life, life irony, most, parenting, parents, reversal, role, role reversal, surprise

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

0

2 months ago

area, arm, arms, Earth, fitness, humor, problem, problem area, self-deprecation, upper, upper arm
Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

0

5 months ago

board, decor, fear, home, home decor, house, humor, marriage, Pinterest, relationship, scary, want
The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

0

2 months ago

bed, empty, honesty, humor, humor quote, liar, lover, playful, relationship, snack, snack lover, snacks, spot
You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

0

5 months ago

conversation, got, humor, i, know, left, people, person, talking, tap, time, video, while, wish
You can really tell somebody’s mental state by they hair.

0

2 months ago

hair, humor, mental, mental state, observation, personality, state, tell
I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

0

2 months ago

alarm, always, good, humor, i, intentions, me, motivation, procrastination, real, self-awareness, set

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

61 shares on Threads this month:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Going viral on Slack:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, “Meowshi meowshi.”

Broadcasted on Telegram:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Live now on Pinterest:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Seen just now on X:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Live now on YouTube:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

You can really tell somebody’s mental state by they hair.

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨