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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Have to wear real clothes on Monday. Pray for me.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,422

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

Seen just now on Threads:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

Shared recently on Discord:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Live now on Messenger:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Making waves on YouTube:

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Breaking via X:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Live now on WeChat:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Going bananas on Telegram:

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

Breaking via Instagram:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sleeping Beauty might have been onto something—considering investing in a good pillow myself! 😴😂

beauty, i, older, respect, said, sleeping, Sleeping Beauty, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

0

2 months ago

abs, chocolate, cravings, dieting, difference, fitness, humor, i, need, people, priorities, understand, want
Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

0

3 months ago

after, brag, bragging, date, humor, relationship, restroom, using
Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

0

2 months ago

better, hear, house, humor, i, parking, parking spot, radio, someone, spot, sunglasses, take, turn
First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

0

2 months ago

buying, celebration, firework, fireworks, first time, high five, humor, i, ID, me, ones, picked, right, salesman, sure, time, wink
I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

0

2 months ago

bill, change, dollar, humor, i, independence, money, need, one dollar, relationship, self-worth, single
My age is news to me every single time I remember.

0

2 months ago

age, every, forgetfulness, humor, i, me, memory, news, remember, self-awareness, single, surprise, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

17 shares on X this month:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

99 shares on Twitch this month:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

13 shares on X this month:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

Making waves on Reddit:

I once broke up with a guy because he ate half my french fries, and when I get really lonely, I still think about those french fries.

Spreading quickly via X:

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Just landed via Instagram:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Just shared via Instagram:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Going viral on Slack:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Live now on Threads:

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨