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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,726

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

Going viral on Reddit:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Trending via Discord:

Y’all pronounce it data or data?

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

There hasn’t been a single person in human history that was remembered for spending their life working a 9-5 job.

4 weeks ago

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Time to trade my 9-5 for a future where I'm known as the legendary couch potato 🛋️✨ #Priorities

9-5, 9-5 job, 95, history, human, human history, job, legacy, life, memory, person, single, spending, work, work life, working

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38 shares on X this month:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

29 shares on Slack this month:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

27 shares on Discord this month:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Going viral on Twitch:

God knew I’d be too powerful if He made me not annoying to women.

Going viral on TikTok:

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Just shared via Instagram:

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Live now on Reddit:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sarah Connor would be awfully disappointed in us all, letting this Grok into our lives.

Making waves on Twitch:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Spotted on Instagram:

I am in favor of equal pay for men on OnlyFans.

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Activity Log ✨

There hasn’t been a single person in human history that was remembered for spending their life working a 9-5 job.

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There hasn’t been a single person in human history that was remembered for spending their life working a 9-5 job.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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