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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,475

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

Live now on Messenger:

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

Live now on Slack:

People who accuse me of delusions of grandeur, obviously don’t worship me enough.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Just shared via Facebook:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Breaking via WeChat:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Making waves on Twitch:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Making waves on Facebook:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Seen just now on Threads:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
All we need now is a speakeasy and some flapper dresses, and we're all set! 🍸💃🕵️‍♂️

1920s, corruption, corruption scandal, crime, gambling, heist, involvement, jewel, jewel heist, living, mafia, mafia involvement, major, poker, poker ring, ring, scandal, sports, sports gambling, week

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

0

1 month ago

casual, casual conversation, conversation, humor, me, revelation, source, walk
“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

0

4 weeks ago

asking, bring, Christmas, gift, holiday, humor, joke, Santa, sarcasm, sense
Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

0

2 months ago

ChatGPT, fact, family, father-in-law, humor, jokes, keeps, making, making stuff up, passing, stuff, technology
Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

0

2 months ago

communication, contact, humor, irony, media, misunderstanding, person, social, social media, understand, welcome
Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

0

2 months ago

bloodline, curse, drama, emotions, fine, girls, humor, relationships, sarcasm, whole
Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

0

2 months ago

behavior, example, humor, i, kindness, mouth, random, sarcasm, self-deprecating, shut, silence, social, social behavior, sometimes, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Threads this month:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

16 shares on Discord this month:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

48 shares on X this month:

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

95 shares on X this month:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Shared recently on Slack:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Live now on YouTube:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Just shared via Twitch:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Just landed via X:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Just shared via Slack:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Seen just now on Discord:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨