Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Wake me when AI does housework.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,474

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Going bananas on Slack:

It’s my birthday, but I’m not gonna post about it for attention like some kind of loser.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Breaking via Facebook:

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

Shared recently on Slack:

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

Seen just now on Twitch:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

Spotted on Instagram:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Going bananas on Telegram:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Just shared via Instagram:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sorry bossy pants, but you're not in charge here – my bladder calls the shots! 💁‍♂️🚽 #BladderPower"

around, authority, bladder, boss, control, humor, independence, me

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It was me, I let the dogs out.

0

2 months ago

antic, confession, dog, funny moment, humor, i, let, let out, me, moment, pet, pet antic, responsibility
Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

0

6 months ago

business, casual, eating, fruit, humor, minding, minding business, own, relaxation, summer, watermelon
You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

0

2 months ago

fireplace, humor, irony, lazy, naming, never, person, procrastination
Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

0

2 months ago

ever, food, funny situation, house, humor, hunger, hungry, nap, procrastination, relatable, situation, tiredness
I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

0

2 months ago

confidence, eating, enjoying, enjoying life, feels, having, hope, humor, i, independence, irony, life, me, myself, nobody, positivity, self-love, solitude, sorry, time
Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

0

2 months ago

arguments, best, humor, introspection, lose, personal, personal reflection, places, reflection, self, showers, solitude, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

95 shares on X this month:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

37 shares on X this month:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

I need a button in Zoom meetings where it just freezes my screen and makes it look like I’m having network issues.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Silk is a crazy material. “I like your shirt,” thanks. It came out of a bug.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

Just shared via Slack:

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Spotted on Instagram:

Little do my friends know they’re healing me every time we hang out.

Seen just now on X:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Shared recently on Slack:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Spotted on YouTube:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Spotted on TikTok:

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

It was me, I let the dogs out.

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨