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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,694

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Just landed via Twitch:

I hate world events. I have problems of my own to worry about.

Live now on Messenger:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Shared recently on X:

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

Just landed via Instagram:

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Breaking via Telegram:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

Making waves on X:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Spotted on TikTok:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When a tree is so happy even Bob Ross would give it a thumbs up 🌲🎨😊

art, artist, Bob, Bob Ross, ever, humor, just, landscape, liked, nature, painting, ross, tree

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

0

2 months ago

apps, choice, convicted, convicted felon, dating, dating life, felon, guy, having, humor, life, old, old guy, perfect, relationships
The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

0

2 months ago

forgive, hope, humor, love, relationships, second, stupidity, third, time
Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

0

2 months ago

big, double, double negative, friendly, grammar, humor, joke, language, linguistic, linguistic rule, negative, punctuation, reminder, rule
There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

0

2 months ago

app, diary, form, here, humor, humor quote, people, sarcasm, say, seeking, self-awareness, validation
Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

0

2 months ago

apology, being, being right, correct, correctness, humor, i, right, said, sarcasm, sorry, stuff
Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

0

5 months ago

alcohol, apple, apple juice, drink, fruit, fruit juice, humor, juice, shy, taste, too, wants

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Twitch this month:

When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

70 shares on Reddit this month:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

36 shares on Threads this month:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Breaking via Threads:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Seen just now on WeChat:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Just landed via Facebook:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

Just landed via Discord:

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

Trending via TikTok:

Hey girl, do you like my signals? I mixed them myself.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Making waves on Slack:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Trending via YouTube:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨