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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ธ has copied:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like theyโ€™re NASA-level problems.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has downloaded:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ป has shared:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡พ has copied:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ has viewed:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,751

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The peace of not knowing.

Trending via Snapchat:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

Trending via Telegram:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Going viral on Instagram:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Shared recently on Discord:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and itโ€™ll be called Litterboxd.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Just shared via Pinterest:

There is a giant spider on my dash so Iโ€™m going to have to buy a new car now.

Breaking via WeChat:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

Making waves on Discord:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Witty quote about romantic gestures blending charm and cheekiness in relationships.
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Commentary:
When one person can unlock doors and also your wild side, you've found a multitasking legend! ๐Ÿšช๐Ÿ’๐Ÿฅณ

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Social Media Stars โญ

40 shares on Instagram this month:

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, โ€œDid I take this already?โ€

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

We need a streaming service thatโ€™s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

46 shares on X this month:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Work is the worst video game ever.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry, canโ€™t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version that doesn’t listen to anything.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Everythingโ€™s under control. I just donโ€™t know whose.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. Heโ€™s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when Iโ€™m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen โ€œto get something.โ€

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I love admitting when Iโ€™m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Donโ€™t worry, darling, you wonโ€™t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

A haunted house, but itโ€™s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but canโ€™t remember your password.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,546

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ด๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has copied:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has copied:

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, Iโ€™m suing everybody.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ต has copied:

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ซ has downloaded:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on TikTok:

When people block me, I just assume itโ€™s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

Just landed via Slack:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Making waves on Messenger:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday thatโ€™s about to get even worse.

Live now on Snapchat:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Sorry, boss, I canโ€™t come in to work today, Iโ€™m gonna be playing outside.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when sheโ€™s done.

Just shared via Reddit:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Just shared via X:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Just shared via Instagram:

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

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