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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Of all the things to lose, why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Just another day of not being hot and rich.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

Updated

2 hours ago

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

Breaking via WeChat:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

Making waves on YouTube:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Just shared via Reddit:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Just shared via Telegram:

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

Trending via Facebook:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.
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Commentary:
Watching that hairline retreat like it's on a permanent vacation! 😂✈️🏖️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

Updated

2 hours ago

Users Online

3,459

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Breaking via Messenger:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Spreading quickly via Slack:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Just shared via Threads:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Making waves on X:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Stretching isn’t enough, I need to be able to disassemble my body like legos.

Going viral on Messenger:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

Making waves on Threads:

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

Just landed via Reddit:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

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