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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,665

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Going bananas on Twitch:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Seen just now on X:

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about questioning bathroom permissions with a playful, relatable vibe.

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Commentary:
Remembering those days when teachers doubled as restroom gatekeepers 🤔🚪 Who knew bladder control was part of the curriculum? 😂🚽📚

allowed, asking, authority, bathroom, believe, childhood, hell, i, life, memory, permission, school, sometimes, spent, teacher, told

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51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

68 shares on X this month:

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

44 shares on X this month:

If you’re late for work, don’t forget to look mad when you walk in.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

46 shares on X this month:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

Making waves on YouTube:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Making waves on Telegram:

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

Spotted on Instagram:

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

Breaking via Instagram:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Shared recently on X:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Just shared via YouTube:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

Keep the laugh going 😂

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨