Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,726

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Seen just now on Facebook:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

Making waves on Instagram:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Trending via Slack:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Spotted on Messenger:

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

Controlling your emotions while on your period is an extreme sport.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
Trying to keep my cool when my hormones are playing dodgeball with my sanity 🏃‍♀️😅🥇

challenge, control, emotion, emotion control, emotions, extreme, extreme sport, humor, menstruation, mood, mood swings, period, sport, swings, while

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

2 months ago

expectations, frustration, growth, knows, living, motivation, personal, personal growth, potential, pressure, seen, self-awareness, someone, stress
Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

2 months ago

activity, coming, corner, escape, event, found, fun, fun activity, hide, hiding, humor, i, lights, noise, party, social, social event, us
Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

2 months ago

baby, every, family, hours, humor, humor quote, i, joke, love, newborn, parenting, whisper
Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

2 months ago

am, drinking, drinking habit, habit, humor, i, joke, just, kid, kids, me, okay, parenting, school, soon, start, teacher, terrible
New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

2 months ago

commentary, Covid, humor, new, podcast, quarantine, randomness, social, social commentary, subscription, variant
Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

2 months ago

hate, humor, i, imagine, irony, me, notice, oblivious, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on X this month:

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

82 shares on Threads this month:

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I don’t get treadmills, I mean if I walk I better reach somewhere.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I’m not like the other girls. I’m a 37 year old man.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

The sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines.

Spreading quickly via X:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Going bananas on Facebook:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

Making waves on Reddit:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Spotted on Slack:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

Seen just now on Slack:

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Controlling your emotions while on your period is an extreme sport.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨