Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Due to unforeskin circumcistances …

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Migraine so bad you develop powers like superhuman hearing.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad attached to your dashboard.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,734

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Just landed via WeChat:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Going viral on Reddit:

Really miss the drama of being able to angrily shut a flip phone.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Just shared via Snapchat:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Breaking via TikTok:

Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

Making waves on X:

Got my mind on my money and my money is nowhere to be found.

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about police eagerly avoiding family to patrol on Christmas morning.

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Commentary:
Taking "Silent Night" to new levels since 1829 😂🎄👮‍♂️📡

boredom, Christmas, Christmas morning, cop, cops, enforcement, excited, family, gun, hell, highway, holiday, hours, humor, ignore, law, law enforcement, morning, radar, radar gun, sit, traffic, wake

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Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Messenger this month:

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Turns out, “unc” is short for unconstitutional.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

I be butt naked, texting people, and they’ll never know.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Single for Christmas, but at least I won’t be buying presents for a liar.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

I miss when YouTubers would just record for, like, 20 minutes, and upload the whole thing completely unedited.

Going bananas on X:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Just shared via TikTok:

The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Seen just now on Slack:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Spotted on Messenger:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Live now on Snapchat:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Unpopular opinion: The moon is actually way more useful than the sun. Because the moon gives us light at night when it’s dark. The sun only gives us light during the day when it’s already bright.

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Keep the laugh going 😂

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Unpopular opinion: The moon is actually way more useful than the sun. Because the moon gives us light at night when it’s dark. The sun only gives us light during the day when it’s already bright.

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

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Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨