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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

The global energy crisis could be solved if only we could harness the power of my wife slamming my car door.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Can we skip to the rich part?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,972

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Just landed via X:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Just shared via Facebook:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Seen just now on YouTube:

We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

Spotted on Telegram:

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

Spotted on Instagram:

They expect me to work at work.

Trending via Twitch:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

Spotted on YouTube:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

3 hours ago

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Commentary:
Taking "Silent Night" to new levels since 1829 😂🎄👮‍♂️📡

boredom, Christmas, Christmas morning, cop, cops, enforcement, excited, family, gun, hell, highway, holiday, hours, humor, ignore, law, law enforcement, morning, radar, radar gun, sit, traffic, wake

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

0

4 months ago

break, breaks, commercial, commercial break, comparison, feel, humor, movie, relaxation, short, short break, stress, stressful, weekend
I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

0

2 months ago

closet, clothes, clothing, clothing problem, confusion, fashion, full, humor, i, problem, style, understand, wardrobe
Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

0

2 months ago

buy, Catch-22, delivery, frustration, humor, i, irony, online, online shopping, paid, pay, payment, post, seller, shopping, trying
For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

0

2 weeks ago

again, am, exhaustion, humor, i, retired, retirement, tired, today, wondering, yes, yesterday
There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

0

1 month ago

calendar, count, counting, day, ever, evidence, just, physical, physical evidence, say, someone, time, today, trust, Tuesday
Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

0

5 months ago

crossing, humor, i, joke, just, list, list management, management, motivation, procrastination, productivity, task, things, to-do, to-do list, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Twitch this month:

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

98 shares on Threads this month:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

46 shares on X this month:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

80 shares on X this month:

I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

19 shares on Slack this month:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

55 shares on X this month:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Going bananas on Messenger:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Broadcasted on Threads:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Adulthood is just saying “it is what it is,” and then crying in your car to a song from 2012.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

Just shared via YouTube:

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

Making waves on Instagram:

The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Tuesday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one ever.

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨