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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Most attractive muscle on a man? The frontal lobe. Fully developed.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Single, not sure how to mingle.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

In marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. Reject tradition.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Seen just now on Instagram:

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Breaking via X:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Just landed via Facebook:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Just landed via Twitch:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

Trending via WeChat:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Going viral on WeChat:

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

Don’t hate me, date me!

Playful text encouraging affection with humorous charm: "Don't hate me, date me!"
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs haters when you can have daters? Turn those frowns upside down and swipe right to a happily ever after with this clever mantra – Don't hate me, date me!"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Threads this month:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

81 shares on Discord this month:

Living solo: where pants are optional, and snacks are unlimited.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

96 shares on Threads this month:

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I run a parody bank account.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,347

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Screw you guys, I’m gonna go make friends with the crows.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Becoming a DJ, but only because I like to impose my will and preferences upon the masses.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Going viral on Messenger:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Making waves on X:

It’s important to follow your significant other around the grocery store, not helping, and only hovering like the specter of death.

Shared recently on Telegram:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Going bananas on Slack:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Going viral on TikTok:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Live now on Messenger:

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

Going viral on Messenger:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

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