Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,580

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Seen just now on Threads:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Live now on Slack:

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

Trending via Snapchat:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Just shared via WeChat:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Trending via Discord:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

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Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.
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Commentary:
When my ears catch a word salad, they’re like “did someone order dressing on the side?” 👂🥗👀

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

43 shares on Slack this month:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

27 shares on Threads this month:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

98 shares on Discord this month:

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

80 shares on Threads this month:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,495

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

The year number is getting too big, let’s do another Jesus soon.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Going viral on Snapchat:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.

Just shared via Threads:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

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