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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Being strange is exhausting.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,360

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

In Russia, the cold complains about you.

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs brain health when you have memes and snacks, am I right? 🤷‍♂️🍿 #SociallyDistantButWellFed"

advice, brain, brain health, experts, health, health advice, human, human interaction, humor, important, interaction, risk, say, socializing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

0

1 month ago

adult, always, being, chore, cleaning, daily, daily chore, day, gone, i, kitchen, matter, never, responsibility, takeout, thing
Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

0

2 months ago

activity, alive, animal, except, FitBit, fitness, fun, fun activity, humor, just, keep, motivation, self-care, stupid, Tamagotchi, technology, trying
I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

0

5 months ago

excuse, gardening, helping, humor, i, joke, lie, me, plant, plants, relationship, repot, sex
Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

0

2 months ago

actual, appearance, character, fairy, fairy tale, fantasy, grandma, hood, humor, little, little red riding hood, red, riding, storytelling, tale, talk
People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

0

2 months ago

away, bad, distancing, humor, introvert, outside, people, social, social distancing, solitude, stay, too
“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

0

4 months ago

envy, humor, jealous, jealousy, man, marriage, married, men, nobody, relationship, stay-at-home, stay-at-home wife, wealthy, wealthy man, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Messenger this month:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

13 shares on Discord this month:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

82 shares on X this month:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

30 shares on Discord this month:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

46 shares on Slack this month:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

I like you because we hate the same people.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Reminder that you need to be scrolling all day to monitor the situation.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Just shared via TikTok:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Is this art or trash?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Just shared via WeChat:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Shared recently on X:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Making waves on Instagram:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨