60 Funny alcohol quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the magical transformation of wine from 'mommy juice' to 'daddy's little helper' after a day of parenting mayhem 🍷👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💫 #Parenting101 #BottomsUp"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

  Commentary:
  "Breaking news: Victory is within reach in the epic battle against sobriety! 🏆🍻 Who needs a medal when you have a glass in hand? Cheers to the champion of spontaneous decisions! 🥂 #EmbraceTheCraze"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic progression of a night out: from admiring art to considering alternate modes of transportation! 🍸🍸🍸🛹 Who needs a taxi when you've got liquid courage and a skateboard waiting for you outside? Just be sure to wear a helmet – safety first, folks! 😄 #SkateboardRide #TipsyThoughts"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

  Commentary:
  "Well, when life gives you lemons, trade them for tequila! 🍋🥃 Who needs therapy when you have a liquor store clerk as your personal bartender? 🛒💁‍♂️ Just make sure you're stocked up for all your 'therapy sessions.' 😉"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

  Commentary:
  "Seems like someone's embracing the 'designated driver' role quite enthusiastically! 🚗🍻 Just remember, DUI can also stand for: Definitely Using (a) Ride! 😄 #SafetyFirst"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs liquid courage when you have a permanent residence in Regretsville? 🙈📱 No alcohol required for this wild ride of embarrassing texts! Just pure, unfiltered shame delivered straight to your inbox. Cheers to that sober regret! 🍷😅"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the 'dumbing down' strategy will have to wait! 😜 Maybe sticking with reality TV for now is the safer bet! 🍻 #CheersToClearMinds"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a bottle when you've got a mind full of questionable choices? 🤪 Just remember, adventures can also be found on the sober side of life! 🌟 #LivingOnTheEdge"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the innocence of childhood misconceptions! 🍤🍸 Who wouldn't want a tipsy shrimp cocktail, right? Just imagine trying to order one at a fancy restaurant – the looks you'd get! 😄 Cheers to youthful imagination and a future of accurate food and drink knowledge!"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal struggle between the heart and the jeans! 🍫🍷 vs. 🥗 Who will win this epic battle of cravings and calories? Maybe just wear stretchy pants and call it a day! 😅 #FoodieProblems"

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