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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,411

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

Going viral on Pinterest:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

Just shared via Twitch:

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Live now on Slack:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

Going viral on X:

Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

3 weeks ago

5th, 5th base, base, dating, describe, flirting, humor, i, kiss, me, only, romance, someone, tongue, tongue kiss
Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

3 weeks ago

actually, anxiety, attraction, attractive, crush, dating, fear, humor, insecurity, OMG, relationship, social, social anxiety, someone, terrifying
Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

3 weeks ago

asking, compatibility, date, dating, dinosaur, favorite, first date, humor, question
The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

3 weeks ago

date, dating, driving, funny situation, humor, me, parallel, parallel park, park, relationship, second, second date, situation, stress, stroke, trying, watching
Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

3 weeks ago

anyone, dating, fall, fall in love, humor, living, living together, love, me, relationship, rent, roommate, together, want
Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

3 weeks ago

actually, dating, humiliation, humor, just, liking, love, relationship, ritual, romance, someone
When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

3 weeks ago

dating, fake, fake version, fire, first meeting, humor, impression, man, meet, meeting, personality, relationship, version
“Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

3 weeks ago

anyone, dating, hallucination, humor, misunderstanding, question, seeing
Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

3 weeks ago

attraction, dating, friend, friendship, humor, men, relationship, sexual, sexual attraction
Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

3 weeks ago

affection, dating, girlfriend, having, humor, insane, insanity, let, literally, relationship, touch

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Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

12 shares on WeChat this month:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

Nobody cleans better than someone who’s pissed off.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

42 shares on Messenger this month:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

48 shares on Discord this month:

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Live now on Instagram:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Trending via Pinterest:

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

Broadcasted on Telegram:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Breaking via Twitch:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Just landed via WeChat:

Just took off my daytime sweatpants and put on my nighttime sweatpants.

Live now on TikTok:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Spotted on TikTok:

Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.

Shared recently on TikTok:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Activity Log ✨

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨