142 funny days quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Mar 27, 2026

The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

Mar 27, 2026

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Mar 26, 2026

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Mar 26, 2026

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

Mar 26, 2026

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Mar 26, 2026

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

Mar 26, 2026

Your call is very important to us, here’s six days of irritating music.

Mar 26, 2026

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Mar 26, 2026

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Mar 26, 2026

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

Mar 26, 2026

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Mar 26, 2026

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Mar 26, 2026

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

Mar 26, 2026

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Mar 25, 2026

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

Mar 25, 2026

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Mar 25, 2026

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

Mar 25, 2026

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

Mar 25, 2026

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

Mar 25, 2026

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Mar 25, 2026

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Mar 25, 2026

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Mar 25, 2026

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Mar 25, 2026

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Mar 25, 2026

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Mar 25, 2026

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Mar 25, 2026

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

Mar 25, 2026

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Mar 25, 2026

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Mar 24, 2026

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

Mar 24, 2026

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Mar 24, 2026

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

Mar 24, 2026

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Mar 24, 2026

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Mar 24, 2026

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Mar 24, 2026

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Mar 24, 2026

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

Mar 24, 2026

“We should get tickets” is as close to a rock concert as I get these days.

Mar 24, 2026

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

Mar 24, 2026