Commentary:
Back at my parents' house—I’m reverting faster than a time-traveling teenager! 🕰️👶🙃
147 Funny days quotes
It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.
Commentary:
This is why my bookshelf doubles as a witness protection program 📚😂🔍
Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.
Commentary:
When I was 7, walking it off was considered a life-saving procedure 😂👍 #ResilienceSkills
If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.
Commentary:
When your coffee shop goes full analog, just remember: I'm bringing my typewriter and asking for the "smoking section" 😂☕️📜
364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.
Commentary:
Guess they're getting a head start on next year's holiday spirit! 🎄😅✨
The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.
Commentary:
Love triangles are so last year; now it's more like a love hexagon! 🤔🔍❤️
Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.
Commentary:
Sounds like your hair has more personalities than all your player characters combined! 🎭🧙♂️💇♂️
Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.
Commentary:
When cereal becomes a rebellious act of self-expression 🍳✨🥣
Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.
Commentary:
Tiramisu should be a daily requirement in life's food pyramid! 🍰🤔 Why is the universe so stingy with the good stuff? 😂
A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.
Commentary:
Looks like he's mastering the lost art of waiting! Next, he'll be sending messages by pigeon 🕊️📜😂