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My favorite conspiracy theory is that things will get better.

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I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

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Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

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Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

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You know the nap is good when it left you marks.

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Work for a living? In this economy?

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Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

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Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

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Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

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If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

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81 Funny disappointment quotes

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