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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I get it dogs, I wish I could also bark at strangers approaching my house.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

96 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,690

Funny Quotes Topics

16,895

Funny Quotes Images

14,690

Updated

Dec 1, 2025

Users Online

4,034

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Going viral on Facebook:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

Trending via Pinterest:

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

Going viral on Discord:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Going viral on Telegram:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Just landed via X:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Spotted on Discord:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Making waves on Telegram:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Home » Funny End Quotes » Page 12

112 Funny end quotes

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4 months ago

Commentary:
Trying to postpone tomorrow like it's a dentist appointment 😅🕒🌙

bedtime, end, free, free time, humor, i, late, management, night, night owl, owl, procrastination, reason, sleep, start, stay, stay up late, time, time management, tomorrow, want
4 months ago

Commentary:
When life gives you concerts, turn heartbreak into a rock anthem! 🎸😂💔 In the end, enjoy the music! 🎶🙌

betrayal, breakup, cheating, concert, end, even, found, got, hard, humor, husband, i, irony, linkin, Linkin Park, matter, me, music, park, relationship, tried

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Adulting is making a phone call, even though you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Your opinions are not my business.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Breaking via Instagram:

Sorry for acting weird. It’s just that I mirror people, and you were being weird first.

Trending via Slack:

I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

Broadcasted on Slack:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Spotted on Facebook:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

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112 Funny end quotes

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All funny end quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

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