Commentary:
"New conversation hack: Sock it to 'em! 🧦😂 They'll be speechless (and possibly sockless)!"
405 Funny good quotes
I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.
Commentary:
"Looks like the room is in desperate need of plot twists and a better script! 🎭🤔😂"
Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.
Commentary:
"Sure, Oasis wrote the soundtrack… but who knew it would get stuck on replay forever? 🎸🔄😂"
I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.
Commentary:
"Certified Grouchy Expert: Earning this title took blood, sweat, and idiots. 😂👵💪 #ProfessionalCrab"
I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.
Commentary:
"Guess I'm officially top dog in the shampoo department! 🐶✨ #FurRealFeeling"
The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.
Commentary:
"Guess I should have said 'Thanks, I'll try!' 😂🛒✨"
It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?
Commentary:
"Guess we've just turned therapy into a blockbuster event! 🍿😂 #PopcornTherapy"
Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.
Commentary:
"Looks like my brain called in sick but forgot to notify me! 🤦♂️🧠🤪"
I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.
Commentary:
"Friendship: the longest-lasting Tupperware rental agreement! 🥳🥡🤣"
Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”
Commentary:
"Going from fillings to felonies! 🦷➡️🚔 Who knew the drill could lead to thrill! 😆🤦♂️ #MomKnowsBest"