Commentary:
Oops! Looks like we're matching boo-boos now 🐶💅➡️👆😭
14830 Funny humor quotes
The ROI on keeping your mouth shut is extremely high.
Commentary:
Silence is golden, but my ROI from it is platinum! 😂🤐💸
There cannot possibly be an evolutionary advantage to snails being that slow.
Commentary:
Slow and steady wins the race, but snails definitely took the scenic route! 🐌⏳😆
You gotta leave them nothingburgers alone, and come date a Burger King.
Commentary:
When you're ready to upgrade from "meh" to "all hail the king" in the dating menu 🍔👑
Submitting job applications these days is a lot like when you were younger and you’d write letters to Santa.
Commentary:
Applying for jobs today: Dear Employer, I've been very good this year and all I want is a new job under my career tree! 🎅📄🎁
The cyclist is a disarming evil; he possesses all the arrogance of the driver, with all the victim complex of a pedestrian.
Commentary:
Perfect blend of road royalty and footpath fantasy on two wheels! 🚴♂️👑🤦♀️
I love saying “sounds good” at work when I couldn’t care less.
Commentary:
"Got my PhD in ‘sounds good’ and a minor in ‘nodding along’ 😂👍"
Petition to start naming heatwaves after oil companies and wildfires after their CEOs.
Commentary:
Turning up the heat on accountability, one wildfire at a time 🔥🌡️ #ExxonInferno #BPBlaze
If I were a manager, I’d let my employees goof off and dick around while I sit in the back office and abuse substances.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect business model for a circus! 🎪🤹♀️🍹
I hate job hunting. Wish I was a nepo baby.
Commentary:
Nepo babies get a golden ticket while we get a treasure map with missing pieces 🗺️🔍🤣