Commentary:
I'm sure it's a decent percentage, but hey, that's how I keep life interesting 😂🤔🎉
5670 Funny i quotes
I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.
Commentary:
Sounds like I'm living in the Netflix original series: Procrastination and Chill 📺🍟🛋️
I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.
Commentary:
Looks like the aliens chose the ultimate reality TV show to binge-watch: Planet Earth, Self-Destruction Edition! 🤖👽🍿
I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.
Commentary:
Dropping it is the easy part—retrieving it? That's where the real workout happens! 😂🙌🔥
I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.
Commentary:
Your sarcasm detector is either broken or set on stealth mode 😜🔍
I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.
Commentary:
When good times turn into "surprise, you're broke!" 😅💸
I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.
Commentary:
Feeling rebellious in my kitchen adventures! 🚀🌀 #DishwasherDaredevil
If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.
Commentary:
Keith Richards is the ultimate survival guide! 💀🚬 If he can conquer the Marlboro marathon, we can handle a traffic jam. Let's rock on! 🎸😎
Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”
Commentary:
Plot twist: Turns out we're not talking about binge-watching but budget cuts 🎬📉😂
My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.
Commentary:
I'm convinced Time Travel exists, but only in my optimistic morning routine 🚀⏰😂