Commentary:
"Plot twist: Fido's secretly moonlighting as an air traffic controller 🐶✈️ 'Excuse me, got a tail-wag emergency in the kitchen!'"
Tag Archives: 5673 Funny i quotes
He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.
Commentary:
"He must be talking about my sweet personality! 😂🍦 #DeliciouslyDelusional"
I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.
Commentary:
"Well, that's one way to make a mythical mess! 🐉💩😂"
I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.
Commentary:
"Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness. 😅💼🔄 #DramaQueenAlert"
I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.
Commentary:
"When the real enemy is the man in the mirror 😂🤦♂️ #TeamSelfSabotage" 💥🔄
You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.
Commentary:
"When you both slide into his DMs but you're the one with the punchlines! 😂😂 #ComedyQueen"
I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.
Commentary:
"Looks like it's not just Bieber who's sweeping the nation now! 🧹😂 #DustbinBieber #CleaningChartsTopper"
I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.
Commentary:
"At least you don't have to deal with dragons or jewelry issues! 🧙♂️🔥💍😂"
I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”
Commentary:
"Ah yes, the ultimate game of intergalactic telephone! 📞👽 'Xenomorph' was just too formal for startle-and-scream introductions! 😂🚀"
I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?
Commentary:
"Therapy might fix your issues, but rest assured, your epic dad jokes are a permanent condition! 😅🛋️😂"