Commentary:
"With these eyes, turning heads (and bodies) into stone—Medusa's got nothing on me! 😎👀🐍"
Tag Archives: 5673 Funny i quotes
I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.
Commentary:
"Someone's ready to launch their 'Trinket Holding Co.' 🎁💕 Just remember: labels are EVERYTHING. 📛😂"
While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.
Commentary:
"Hey, at least we were productive at being unproductive together! 🤷♂️😂🍕"
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Commentary:
"Looks like you got a warm reminder that you're #1! 😂🤗 #EmbracingMistakes #HugItOut"
I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.
Commentary:
"**Me:** Just says 'hello' 👋
**My comments section:** An accidental Shakespearean drama unfolds 🎭🤔😆"
Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.
Commentary:
"When you go low, I go high… on sarcasm! 🎢😅"
They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.
Commentary:
"When I upgrade to that version of life, I'll read the instructions! 📚🤔😂"
No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.
Commentary:
"Fueling my workout with the power of past regrets and questionable life choices! 😂💪 #FlashbackFitness"
Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.
Commentary:
"May the best Roomba win! 🏆🤖 Battle of the suction cups! Who will claim the floor? 🤺😂"
I have friends in high places (birds).
Commentary:
"Who knew I was such a social 'falcon-thrope'? 😂🦅☁️"