Commentary:
Too young for the early bird special, too old to understand TikTok trends 🎣🕺😅
5670 Funny i quotes
Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.
Commentary:
In today’s episode of "I need stronger coffee," introducing Espresso Shotgun! 💥☕😁
Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.
Commentary:
Tiramisu should be a daily requirement in life's food pyramid! 🍰🤔 Why is the universe so stingy with the good stuff? 😂
I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.
Commentary:
Keeping my inner villain sharp one reminder at a time! 😈✨
Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.
Commentary:
The floor was nice, but this chair feels like a VIP upgrade! 😂🪑🎉
Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”
Commentary:
Sounds like he's really mastered the art of moderate moderation! 🚬😂🌿
I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.
Commentary:
Are these "movies" the new fidget spinners for my eyeballs? 🌀🍿👀
Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.
Commentary:
🔥😂 I guess "calm and collected" just isn't in the cards when your brain is doing the cha-cha and your soul's hosting a bonfire! 🙃💥
I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.
Commentary:
When it comes to support, I'm there faster than the speed of light—just don't expect those messages to be a part of the equation 😄📵✨
You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?
Commentary:
Wash once, cry twice! If only dirty dishes stayed clean after one wash too. 🍽️🧼💁♀️