Commentary:
WhatsApp and I are in a toxic relationship—breaking up would be ideal, but we just keep texting 😂📱💔
170 Funny ID quotes
Study international relations and political science if you watch the news and think, I’d like this to make me even more depressed.
Commentary:
When you want your daily dose of news to come with a side order of existential dread 📚😅🌍
The Face ID on my phone won’t work until it sees the loss of hope in my eyes.
Commentary:
When your phone knows your Monday blues better than your therapist 😅📱👀
If I was a stray cat, I’d follow you home and let you domesticate me.
Commentary:
Be honest, you’d have me microchipped and spoiled with treats in no time 😸🛋️
If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me.
Commentary:
When your job description as a higher power includes "hands-off management style" 😂🙌 #NotMyName
If three ghosts visited me on Christmas, I’d make them play Mario Party with me.
Commentary:
Ghosts better bring their A-game, because I'm about to teach them the true meaning of Joy-Con drift! 👻🎮🎄
If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’
Commentary:
Haha, that's one way to keep the mystery alive! 😂🤔📅
You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.
Commentary:
Sounds like my brain deserves a refund for all those extra processing fees 😂🤔💭
For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.
Commentary:
Santa's got a new challenge: solving the mystery of my life by December 25th! 🎅🕵️♂️💡
Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.
Commentary:
Back from a social media cleanse and ready to spice up the chaos 🌪️😜✨