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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,847

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

Going viral on Slack:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Going viral on TikTok:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Shared recently on X:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Making waves on Facebook:

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Going viral on Telegram:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

Shared recently on Telegram:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.

Home » Funny Item Quotes » Page 3

28 Funny item quotes

More funny item quotes 👇

This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

0

2 months ago

cart, comfort, comfort item, emotional, emotional support, humor, item, online, online shopping, retail, retail therapy, shopping, shopping cart, support, therapy
That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, awkward, awkward moment, birthday, friend, friends, gift, hour, humor, item, moment, online, online shopping, procrastination, shopping, spend, time, year
If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

0

2 months ago

break, bring, child, curiosity, expensive, humor, item, just, kid, mishap, parenting, shopping, store
Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

0

4 months ago

bed, boyfriend, comparison, dropped, funny comparison, humor, item, lost, lost item, remote, skinny, TV, vape, wall
Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

0

4 months ago

40, adult, adult dating, after, chance, comparison, damaged, dating, funny comparison, humor, item, least, over, over 40, relationship, second, second chance, smell, store, thrift, thrift store, trying
At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

0

5 months ago

booing, clerk, grocery, grocery store, humor, item, louder, shopping, store
Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

0

5 months ago

argument, closet, clothing, every, fight, humor, item, just, personification, started
My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

0

5 months ago

Bluetooth, daughter, disappeared, family, item, just, karaoke, karaoke mic, lost, lost item, mic, mystery, new, sad, sadness

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on TikTok this month:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

94 shares on Threads this month:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

71 shares on X this month:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

The world started without permission again.

24 shares on Discord this month:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

20 shares on Slack this month:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Making waves on Facebook:

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

Making waves on Telegram:

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

Just landed via Facebook:

What’s a beginner question to ask for someone just getting into being nosy?

Trending via Slack:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Just shared via X:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

Making waves on Facebook:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Seen just now on Threads:

Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Activity Log ✨

28 Funny item quotes

More funny item quotes 👇

All funny item quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨