90 Funny keep quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, don't try to buddy up with bison – they're not looking to expand their social circle! 🐃✋ Better to let them roam in peace and avoid any awkward hoofshakes. 😉 #FriendzonedByBison"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

  Commentary:
  "Imagine being a vampire, trying to enjoy a nice, refreshing summer drink, and all you can find is hot blood 🧛‍♂️🩸 I guess those nighttime thoughts are really sucking the life out of you! 😂 #VampireProblems"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

  Commentary:
  "Back in my day, we captured memories with hearts, not hashtags! 💖 Who needs Insta fame when you've got a heart full of special moments, am I right? 📸 #NostalgicHeart"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

  Commentary:
  "Keeping friends close and enemies at arm's length, just in case you need a good head squishing mime act! 🤏👤😂#SquishSquadGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

  Commentary:
  "Life's way of reminding you that adulting is not for the faint of heart! 🏃‍♂️⏩👨‍👧‍👦 Embrace the chaos, because those problems aren't getting any slower!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

  Commentary:
  Well, talk about keeping the family drama alive from beyond the grave! 👻💬 It's like a never-ending Thanksgiving dinner, but with spirits instead of stuffing. Who knew that feuding with your ancestors could be a timeless tradition? 🔮😂

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like a classic case of "opportunity knocks, but it's just to annoy you instead of it bringing you joy." 🚪😤 Who knew frustration could be so persistent and exhausting, right? Maybe it's time for opportunity to knock a little quieter next time, or just bring some chocolate instead! 🍫😅

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone has got their dose of Ibuprofen ready to keep those posts nice and chilled! 😂🔥 Remember, a little bit of humor is the best anti-inflammatory out there! #KeepItCool

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the powerful exercise routine of eye rolling – the epitome of cardio for the soul! 🙄💪 Who needs a gym when you can keep those eyes in shape just by staying effortlessly unimpressed?" 😄

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  5 months ago

  Share →: People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the sweet freedom of not having social plans! 😅 Who knew a global pandemic would make introverts feel like party animals? 🎉 #SorryNotSorry #IntrovertLife"

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