Commentary:
"Guess I'm 99% water and 1% Barbie! 💧🎀 #PlasticFantastic"
240 Funny little quotes
When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.
Commentary:
"Just doing my civic duty as a professional 'not-my-fault' driver! 🚗💨⬇️ #BlameTheSnail"
I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.
Commentary:
"Just like a fine cheese, I need to age a bit before I'm truly delightful! 🧀⏳😂"
I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.
Commentary:
"Right? I blinked and my weekend evaporated faster than my motivation to adult! 😅⏰ #WeekendSnatchers"
Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.
…
Commentary:
"When your brain is a circus and you're the ringmaster! 🎪🤹♀️😂 #SillinessOverload"
If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.
Commentary:
"🚗 Elbow etiquette 101: my car, my throne, my middle piece. 😂 Keep your elbows to your seat or prepare for a joust! 🤺"
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.
Commentary:
"Hey, 'weird freak' is just another way of saying 'limited edition'! 🦄🤣 #OneOfAKind"
When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.
Commentary:
"Deciphering my notes is like living with an amateur escape room designer. 🤔🕵️♂️✍️ #MysteryInTheMargins"
Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.
Commentary:
"Guess even mosquitoes know how to make an impression! 😂🦟💋"
Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic 'Mother’s Day breakfast surprise'—where the surprise is that she still has to make it! 😅🍳🌷"