Commentary:
When life gives you oranges, make sure they're ready for the party 🎉🍊👠
237 Funny little quotes
Excited for my husband to get back from his trip, so I can sit him down for a little presentation of all the internet videos I saved for him to watch.
Commentary:
"Welcome back, dear! Get comfy, because it's time for our internet marathon! 🎥🍿😂"
My advice to anyone with a job: be the last one in, the first one out, and do as little as possible while getting maximum pay.
Commentary:
Mastering the art of working hard or hardly working! 🚪🏃♂️💸
A little friendly reminder that if somebody looks tired, you really don’t have to tell them.
Commentary:
Sometimes you just gotta let us live our zombie chic lifestyle in peace 😴🧟♂️✨
I think it’s healthy to be a little horny at all times.
Commentary:
Always keep your inner horniness at a simmer, just like a pot of spaghetti—you never know when you're gonna need a full plate 🍝😄🔥
Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.
Commentary:
Switching coffee for green tea: the fastest way to transform waking up from a sip of happiness to a morning of leafy sorrow ☕➡️🍵😂
Stopping a complete stranger on the street and saying, “Let’s end this little charade.”
Commentary:
When you get tired of playing the world's longest game of charades with strangers 😂🤷♂️🎭
Little do my friends know they’re healing me every time we hang out.
Commentary:
Who needs therapy when you've got a circle of friends and pizza nights 🍕😂 #FriendshipGoals
My ideal man is a kindhearted little freak.
Commentary:
Sounds like you’re looking for a unicorn that moonlights as a stand-up comedian 🦄🎤
The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.
Commentary:
Who knew my horse-taming skills would go to waste? 🐴💁♂️ #ModernProblems