Commentary:
Embracing my inner weirdo is how I say "I care" 🦄💖😜
240 Funny little quotes
I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.
Commentary:
Sounds like my car might qualify for a gym membership with all that speeding and stopping! 🚗💨🛑😅
“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.
Commentary:
Everything's a joke, especially on Mondays 😅🤪 #LifeIsComedy
Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.
Commentary:
When life gives you oranges, make sure they're ready for the party 🎉🍊👠
Excited for my husband to get back from his trip, so I can sit him down for a little presentation of all the internet videos I saved for him to watch.
Commentary:
"Welcome back, dear! Get comfy, because it's time for our internet marathon! 🎥🍿😂"
My advice to anyone with a job: be the last one in, the first one out, and do as little as possible while getting maximum pay.
Commentary:
Mastering the art of working hard or hardly working! 🚪🏃♂️💸
A little friendly reminder that if somebody looks tired, you really don’t have to tell them.
Commentary:
Sometimes you just gotta let us live our zombie chic lifestyle in peace 😴🧟♂️✨
I think it’s healthy to be a little horny at all times.
Commentary:
Always keep your inner horniness at a simmer, just like a pot of spaghetti—you never know when you're gonna need a full plate 🍝😄🔥
Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.
Commentary:
Switching coffee for green tea: the fastest way to transform waking up from a sip of happiness to a morning of leafy sorrow ☕➡️🍵😂
Stopping a complete stranger on the street and saying, “Let’s end this little charade.”
Commentary:
When you get tired of playing the world's longest game of charades with strangers 😂🤷♂️🎭