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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,584

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

Spotted on Discord:

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Live now on Slack:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Spotted on Instagram:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

Breaking via Pinterest:

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Live now on Slack:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

1112 Funny people quotes

More funny people quotes 👇

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

3 weeks ago

absence, humor, intelligence, just, missing, people, screw, toolbox, whole
I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

3 weeks ago

book, cover, evil, face, humor, i, judge, people, stupid, tell
I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

3 weeks ago

afterlife, connection, free, funny idea, gravestone, humor, idea, me, people, social, social connection, technology, visit, wifi
It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

3 weeks ago

brain, humor, i, intelligence, know, less, myth, people
People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

3 weeks ago

back, bed, dream, dreams, follow, humor, i, motivation, people, procrastination, sleep
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

3 weeks ago

advice, humor, i, irony, learn, learning, mistake, mistakes, people, self-reflection, wisdom
If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

3 weeks ago

bee, education, Facebook, grammar, humor, lesson, media, people, ready, social, social media, spelling
8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

3 weeks ago

country, dating, humor, island, loneliness, people, person, planet, relationship, sea, single
I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

3 weeks ago

breakup, displeasure, frustration, humor, i, last, leave, love, me, media, people, sight, social, social media, time, unfollowing
If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

3 weeks ago

God, humor, irony, know, money, people, perspective, want, wealth

For even more funny people quotes, hit next 👇

All funny people quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Facebook this month:

I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.

50 shares on Slack this month:

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

53 shares on Discord this month:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

43 shares on Threads this month:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

21 shares on Discord this month:

I can’t wait to open my phone tomorrow and find out what we’re mad about next.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

It’s Monday. Please lower your voice and expectations.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Going viral on X:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

Going bananas on X:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

We need a Disney princess who’s a greedy profiteer, so we can cheer for the poison apple.

Trending via Messenger:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

Going viral on Reddit:

Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

Activity Log ✨

1112 Funny people quotes

More funny people quotes 👇

All funny people quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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