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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,471

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

Broadcasted on X:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

Trending via Threads:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Trending via Snapchat:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Spotted on Slack:

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Trending via Discord:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Making waves on X:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

29 Funny philosophy quotes

Funny philosophy quotes 🤔😂 bring deep thoughts and belly laughs together! They turn mind-bending ideas into playful puzzles that make you smile while you ponder life’s biggest questions 🌟💭. Ready to tickle your brain and your funny bone? Let’s dive into some witty wisdom that proves philosophy doesn’t always have to be serious! 🎉📚

New funny philosophy quotes 👇

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

0

2 months ago

feel, fun, humor, i, life, matters, need, nihilism, nothing, philosophy
Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

0

2 months ago

ancient, better, Chinese, Chinese philosopher, following, fuk, Fuk Yu, humor, i, improvement, joke, life, life improvement, much, philosopher, philosophy, wisdom, yu
Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

0

2 months ago

am, convinced, existential, humor, i, joke, late, lateness, philosophy, procrastination, real, reality, sarcasm, sorry, time
My plan is to die young as late as possible.

0

2 months ago

dark, dark humor, death, die, humor, humor statement, late, life, longevity, philosophy, plan, statement, wit, young
My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

0

2 months ago

dad, degree, education, family, humor, joke, license, philosophy, sarcasm, unemployment
You only live once and thank God for that.

0

2 months ago

appreciation, existence, God, gratitude, humor, irony, life, live, once, only, philosophy, thank, yolo
Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

0

2 months ago

appear, appearance, came, chicken, debate, egg, humor, just, matter, philosophy, question, still, thing, weird
I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

0

2 months ago

am, existence, humor, i, philosophy, self-reflection, think
You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

0

2 months ago

cleanliness, cycle, dust, dusting, existentialism, humor, life, life cycle, philosophy, procrastination, someone
I overthink, therefore I am.

0

2 months ago

am, existence, humor, i, identity, irony, overthink, philosophy, self-reflection, thought

For even more funny philosophy quotes, hit next 👇

All funny philosophy quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on WeChat this month:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

80 shares on Slack this month:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

87 shares on Threads this month:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

14 shares on X this month:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Adding “Free HBO” to your dating profile isn’t the game changer you’d think it’d be.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope my email finds you enraged.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,615

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Just landed via Telegram:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

Breaking via Reddit:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Just shared via YouTube:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

Making waves on Messenger:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

Breaking via YouTube:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

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