Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Travelling through the US by car is beautiful because you feel like a blood cell in a very sick man’s body.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Stop letting people who are going to hell bother you.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,659

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Spotted on X:

Apple’s secret growth engine: vibe coders paying the $99 Apple Developer Program fee.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

Seen just now on Facebook:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Just shared via TikTok:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Spotted on YouTube:

If I was a stray cat, I’d follow you home and let you domesticate me.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

What if aliens watch our movies about aliens and then invade accordingly in hopes of fitting in with our culture?

Going viral on Slack:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Funny record quotes

Funny record quotes 🎶💿 are the perfect way to spin some laughter into your day! Whether you’re a vinyl lover or just appreciate a good pun, these witty sayings will have you chuckling louder than your favorite playlist. Get ready to drop the needle on some serious fun and groove through a collection of clever, record-inspired humor that hits all the right notes! 😂🎧

New funny record quotes 👇

All funny record quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Facebook this month:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

No matter how sad you are, there is some form of potato that can make it better.

40 shares on Discord this month:

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

30 shares on Discord this month:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

21 shares on Threads this month:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Somehow I picked the worst possible decade to try to have a career.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,635

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

As a childless adult, it is my duty to embrace hobbies and pastimes that my peers cannot, as they have sacrificed their free time to maintain the population. I must vibe and chill, and do fun things, in their honor.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

I hate being at the age where you feel obligated to buy your whole family gifts for Christmas, but also the age where your bank account doesn’t feel obligated to support that.

Spotted on Slack:

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

Spotted on YouTube:

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

Just landed via WeChat:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Making waves on Threads:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Breaking via Threads:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Shared recently on Instagram:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

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