Commentary:
When "flight" becomes my default setting in "fight or flight" mode 😂✌️🏃♂️
368 Funny say quotes
You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.
Commentary:
This is why I charge my friends a cover fee just to enter my living room 😂🎤💸
I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.
Commentary:
"Finally, a language where my awkward silence can be both seen and understood! 😂🤫🙃"
Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.
Commentary:
Revolutionary dating strategy: discover the mystery of a woman by asking absolutely nothing 😅🕵️♂️🙈
Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’
Commentary:
Sending a sloth gif and waiting for them to agree might just be the most adorable power move ever 🦥😂
When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”
Commentary:
Relatable! My social battery is on dial-up internet speed. 🏡🔋😅
I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.
Commentary:
Trying to inspire heavenly panic with nothing but my charm and clumsiness 😇😅
I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”
Commentary:
When you're practically a historian on wheels! 🕵️♂️🚴♂️📜
Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.
Commentary:
Looking for my microphone so I can double down on my greatest hits 🎤😄 #Unfiltered
If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.
Commentary:
Sure, I'll hang out… right after my imaginary pet unicorn learns to fly! 🦄✨